


Fallen or not, I love you.

by Fluika



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas loves Dean, Dean Loves Cas, Depressed Castiel, Fallen Cas, Fluff and Smut, Gabriel Lives, How Do I Tag, Human Castiel, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, i am bad at writing, more fluff tho, this sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-09-16 01:12:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9267164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluika/pseuds/Fluika
Summary: Castiel has fallen, so has his brothers and sisters. He would never like to admit that he was hurting, he never understood why he did. Dean try to help Cas, he really does but it´s not like there is a book called ¨How To Help Your Best Friend, Who Is a Fallen Angel, Who You May Or May Not Have A Crush, With Depression Or Whatever He Needs.¨





	1. After the fallen.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for bad spelling or anything. If you want more fanfics just comment.
> 
> (This takes place after season 8 finale, when the angels fell from heaven.)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [Sup, this is Ilovetacoz, I cried Fuika cried, YOU PROBABLY ARE CRYING NOW! Kisses ;33]

Castiel has fallen, so has his brothers and sisters. He would never like to admit that he was hurting, he never understood why he did. Dean try to help Cas, he really does but it´s not like there is a book called ¨How To Help Your Best Friend, Who Is a Fallen Angel, Who You May Or May Not Have A Crush, With Depression Or Whatever He Needs.¨

Castiel is in his room at the bunker, which is where he spent most of his days now.

Castiel is human now, which meant he needed to eat but he never left his room; Dean brought Cas food three times a day but Cas never came out of the room until Dean was gone, and when Dean came back there was just a empty plate in front in the door.

Castiel cried almost every night and Dean took note of this listened through the door, tried his hardest to be there for his best friend, but Cas is so much more to Dean than just a friend, he is family and he loves Cas, but not like he loves Sam. He wants to be there for Cas, wants to be more then friends and possibly more than family.

Castiel´s whole body hurt, and burned from the inside out. He hated himself, every god forsaken inch of his body, but this was his punishment, this was his father punishing him for what he has done. 

Castiel found it hard to get out of bed but he did, only when Dean gave him food, or to use the bathroom that was built in the room. Cas knew he was growing weak but he didn´t care, he felt worthless and there was no reason to care about if he died or not. 

Castiel is broken, not like before when he was with Meg, no. He is broken and hurt and he knows Dean is trying to help but Cas doesn´t understand what he is feeling and is scared.

Castiel is scared, scared to look at himself in the mirror because he didn´t like the person looking back at him.

Castiel is lost even in his own bedroom. He feels he can tell up from down, left from right, or even the nightmare from reality.  

Castiel is not sure how long he has been here but it feels like months, possibly 2 months but he doesn´t really care anymore. He hears Dean knock on the door, Dean never said anything anymore, it was just a knock 2 times, then silence, then footsteps, then more silence. But this time was different.

¨Castiel? I made you PB&J for lunch, I know it´s your favorite.¨ Dean spoke, he spoke to Cas and it was beautiful to Cas´s ears and he cried, he missed Deans voice so much.

Castiel he rolled out of bed and had no problem doing it, like he normally does, and ran to the door opening in to see Dean. Dean, the righteous man he once saved from hell and would do it again if he need to.

Castiel gabbed the plate from Dean and putting on the ground in his room and ran to Dean and kissed him.

Castiel missed Dean.

Castiel loves Dean. 


	2. I am here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There WILL my SMUT in the NEXT chapter.

Dean was shocked, he was kissing Castiel, a fallen angel, and he loved every part of it.

Castiel pulled away, and hug Dean close scared to let Dean go.

¨Woah, Cas. It´s okay.¨ Dean hugged back

¨Dean. missed you.¨ Cas´s throat felt dry.

¨I miss you too. I miss you so much Cas.¨ Dean tried but failed to not to cry.

¨I love you Dean, I never want you to leave me, please Dean never leave me.¨ Cas hugged Dean tighter.

¨I love you too, and I promise Cas, I am not going anywhere unless you come with.¨

¨But how can you love me? I am broken, I am nothing but worthless.¨ Dean heard the pain in Castiel´s voice, it made him want to puke.

¨No, stop. Cas come on lets sit down.¨ Dean guided Castiel to the bed sitting him down. ¨Why do you think you worthless?¨

¨Because I am nothing but a birther to you, Sam, and Gabriel. I don´t deserve you or anyone Dean.¨ Cas began to cry. ¨It hurts Dean, it hurts.¨ Casitel wined in pain.

¨What hurts Cas? How can I help?¨

¨My- my back¨ Cas turned his back to Dean.

¨Your back?¨ Dean pulled off Castiel´s shirt reveling [burn scars](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwi40arm2snRAhVB74MKHR5tDKwQjRwIBw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F421157002629983839%2F&bvm=bv.144224172,d.amc&psig=AFQjCNF78PZZOEZa7Ji--2ObFiagN-_BlQ&ust=1484760700691674) from where his wings where. ¨Oh god, Cas. What do I do?¨

¨Don´t leave me, I need you.¨ Castiel turned to Dean and kissed him again. ¨I can do without you.¨

¨I am here Cas, I wont leave you.¨ They kissed, it was warm and wet and they didn´t want to pull away. This ´ _profound bond_ ´ Castiel and Dean shared and they ran from it, scared to tell the other that.... that

¨I love you¨ Dean said to Castiel. ¨I have for a long time now and I want to be with you forever, I want you to be happy and I want to take all the pain from you.¨ Castiel stared into Deans green eyes.

¨Dean.¨ That´s is all he said, it´s all he needed to say for Dean to know that is was Cas wants it too. ¨I want you.¨

¨You have me Cas.¨ Dean cups Castiel´s face and wipes the tears way. ¨Please don´t cry my Angel.¨ But that only made Cas cried more, tears of happiness.

Dean knew this is how it was suppose to be, love that is. He had done lots of reserch on what love was, looking at books such as [Falling in love](https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0415920469/braipick-20), [A Book About Love](https://www.amazon.com/Book-About-Love-Jonah-Lehrer/dp/1476761396), and some books on depression, and he had found he really was in love with this Angel in front of him.

Dean wanted to make Cas know he was not alone, that he is loved and anyone, and I mean anyone who tells him he is not Dean is going to kill them. 

Dean had never been one to be sexual attraction to men, but Castiel was different, plus he was pretty sure Angels don´t really have a gender or sex. It didn´t matter though, what mattered is that Dean loved Castiel.

Dean spent months worrying about Castiel and about how he was in his room. I got to the point were when he gave Cas food he just stopped trying to talk.

Dean talked to Sam for help but he never helped. He even asked Gabriel who was another Angel and knew more about them then Dean did.

Dean was lost is how to help Castiel, never really knowing how bad he was hurting. If he had known Dean would of kick down Cas´s door and hug him,

Dean laid down with Cas in his arms, slow breathing ehcos through the room. He smiles when he relizes Cas is sleeping.

Dean thinks how this is how it should be, peaceful, quite (thought some soft music would help), and them.

Dean wouldn be anywhere else but here with his Angel, just like it used to be.

Dean missed Cas

Dean loves Cas


	3. Fallen or not, I love you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel wakes from a nightmare and Dean helps him. (NSFW)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is NSFW, there will be smut in this chapter.
> 
> ~Fluika

_¨No one will ever love you Cas, no one cares that you´re broken.¨ Dean said. Those words echoed through Castiel´s head._

 _¨D- Dean you don´t mean that. I thought you loved me?¨ Castiel was shaking and trying not to cry,_  ´I have to me strong.´  _Castiel told himself._

_¨I do mean it. You are ugly, a disappointment, broken, a failure, and fallen.¨  Dean´s words pierced into Castiel like a sharp blade. He could hold back, Castiel dropped to his knees and cried._

_¨CAS!¨ Dean yelled coming closer to to him. ¨WAKE UP!¨_

 

And he did as he was told, Castiel woke up from a nightmare. He was was still crying but Dean was hugging him so close to his warm body he felt all the pain his has chest and head faded. 

¨CAS!¨ Dean yelled again. ¨Are you okay? You scared the shit out of me.¨ 

Castiel looked up at Dean and was searching for some kind of response but intend gets lost in Deans eyes.

¨Do you hate me?¨ Castiel asked.

Dean blinked in shock. ¨W- Why would I hate you Cas?¨

¨Because I am nothing, I am broken, I am a...¨ Castiel looked away with pain in his eyes. ¨FALLEN ANGEL DEAN! I am no better then Lucifer.¨  Dean almost didn't know how to reply, but the words just found there way out of his lips.

¨Castiel, listen to me.¨ Dean cupped Cas´s face, turning his head so they there staring at each out. Castiel wanted to pull away but somewhere deep in his heart he wants to feel Dean like this, close. ¨Don´t you ever thing you are worthless, because fallen or not, I love you. I love you so much, I don´t know what happened to make you feel that I don´t love you, but I do.¨

¨De- Dean.¨ Castiel kissed Dean deep, pushing him to the bed. Pulling up, ¨I love you.¨ He kisses Dean again.

 

This time their kissing didn´t stop until Castiel felt something against his thigh, confused he stopped.

¨Dean? What is that?¨ Castiel looked down between them.

¨Oh, umm. Sorry Cas I just got a little... excited...¨ Dean blushed trying to look away from Castiel´s deep blue eyes but he feels so hypnotize.

Castiel laded [on top](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/9c/8b/c4/9c8bc4a4c730601dac52dee1b9275bdd.jpg) of dean and took his left hand to brush against the object that was growing bigger in Dean´s pants. ¨Oh, think I understand... Us kissing made you aroused and now you wish to take part in sexual intercourse, right?¨ Castiel said with a surprisingly straight face.

¨Umm, yeah... basically, b-but you don´t need to. We could just ignore it if you w-want to continue.¨ Dean shuddered. 

¨But I don´t want to stop, Dean.¨ Castiel rubbed his hand against dean´s now fully hard cock. ¨I have been thinking about this for a long time now, I want to be with you. Please Dean?¨

¨Yeah, okay. I-I got you. Fuck Cas that feels so good.¨ Dean moaning and bucking up to Castiel´s touch wanting more friction. 

¨Dean, can I talk your shirt off?¨ Castiel asked. Dean nodded. 

When Dean´s shirt was off Castiel´s followed. There topless body´s held each other, they were kissing and so very hard and wet. 

¨Fuck Cas, please just, fuck I don´t know, ju-¨ Before Dean could finish rambling, Castiel pinched Dean´s nipples until both formed into small little nubs. He pushed Dean on to the Dean making him lay down. ¨Please!¨ Dean moaned and begged. Castiel straddled Dean and began to suck and lick Dean's nipples and chest and belly until red marks formed. ¨CAS FUCK!¨ Dean couldn´t take it, he needs Castiel.  

Castiel must of read Dean´s mind because he moves to unbutton Dean´s pants, pulling them off with is boxers.

¨Wow Dean you´re big.¨ Castiel strokes Dean´s member soft and lightly.

¨Holy shit Cas.¨ Dean pants heavily looking at Castiel. ¨God p-please just.¨

¨Dean, my name is Castiel. Why are you calling out my fathers name?¨

¨No Cas, it´s just some people just say that in bed, but I can try not to if it makes you conformable.¨

¨Yes Dean, I would very much appreciated it.¨ Then Castiel continued to stroke up and down.

Finally, Castiel took the tip of Dean´s cock into his warm heated mouth. He heard a loud moan come from Dean´s mouth as he teased the tip with his tongue.

¨Fuck, yes please Cas, I need you in- inside me, fuck please.¨ Dean called out desperation.

¨Show me Dean, show me what you need.¨ Castiel kissed Dean again.

¨I need to go to my room quickly, we need lube if we are going to do this.¨ Dean began to get up, Castiel let out a sad wiper. ¨It´s okay Cas, I will be right back, I will go as fast as I can.¨ Dean got on his pants that just barely hid his erection, and ran out of the room.  

On the way to Dean's room he heard his brother Sam talking to someone in his room, and with Dean's curiosity he open the door to Sam's room to see his brother without a shirt on and an archangel on this bed fully naked. Dean really didn't have time to ask what the HELL Gabriel was doing here, or why he is in Sam's room with a hard on looking desperate for Sammy's cock. Dean had a different angel, fallen angel dean corrected himself, that is both depressed but horny as hell. 

"DEAN!" Sam yelled trying to through some covers on Gabriel and play it cool. "It's, not what it looks like. I umm..." 

"You know what Sammy?" Dean asked trying to keep calm and not go over and beat the shit out of Gabriel. "I don't care right now but when you are done and when I am done with my thing, I am going to kill Gabe, and talk to you, Okay?" Dean closed the door and ran the rest of the way to his room, grabbed the lube, ' _I shouldn't need condoms, Cas cant get pregnant,_ right?" Dean thought to himself, he didn't listen to the voice in his head that said take condoms because Cas was an Angel and maybe Angels can get pregnant, and ran back to Castiel. 

"Dean!" Castiel said excitedly when he saw Dean open the door to his room.

"Yes Cas, I am here. Now where were we?" Dean walked to Castiel with the lube in his hand.

"I believe with left on me sucking you cock." Dean smiled.

And after countless minutes of trying to teach Castiel how to prepare Dean based on videos Dean had watched on a porn site, even if it was under the 'gay' section it was for educational reasons, it's not like Dean was getting off on seeing two men fuck each other, nope. But right now Dean was on his back as Castiel had three fingers inside of him, Castiel must of been hitting the right spot because Dean was a moaning mess. This made something inside Castiel spark that made Castiel crazily good at dirty talk, like he knew exactly what to say to make Dean ache.

"Yea you like that you little slut, you like my fingers in you." This made Dean moan and moan Castiel's name, begging so very desperately just to be fuck by Castiel, an Angel of the Lord, his Angel.

"Fuck, yes Cas, that feels so- AHH Fuck -  good." Dean stuttered. "Please Cas just fuck me, please." Dean was so, so close to cumming.

"Are you sure Dean?" Castiel ask slowly pulling out is fingers then pushing them back in hard and deep.

Dean wipered "Ye- yes I am sure."

"Okay Dean, just tell me if you want me to stop."

"Yea, okay I will." Castiel lined up is now lube-silk cock with Dean's entertain and pushed in slowly stopping when he was half way in. "FUCK CAS."

"Did I hurt you Dean?" Castiel sounded worried, he began to pull out but-

"No, don't stop, it feels, it feels so good Cas. Please just fuck me." Dean bagged but soon the begging turned to flat out moaning when Castiel slid the rest of the way into Dean, making Dean feel so whole.

Dean whining and making little muffled sounds. Castiel pull out just so the tip was in Dean, then bucked back into Dean.

"Fuck, Cas. Yes, oh fuck yes please. Give it to me, fuck me harder dam, please." Castiel did as he was told. He grabbed Dean's hips strong enough to leave bruises the next morning and he fuck in and out of Dean hitting that sweet spot again and again. Dean was breathless and needy, nobody would of thought Dean Winchester would be such a submissive bottom but fuck if he didn't moan like a pornstar when Castiel pulled Dean's hips closer to him as he pounded Dean.

It was overwhelming, their body's were covered in sweat, the room was hot and moist. Then a thought came to Dean " _This is my first time with Castiel, and I really do love him, but I need him to know that. No I NEED him to know that._ " Dean pulled Castiel's head down to his and kissed him. They both fell deeply into the kiss, Castiel sucked on Dean's tongue.

"Fuck Castiel, I am going to cum. Fuck I am so close." Dean pulled away but Castiel wanted more, he loved Dean's lips, they were so soft and kissable.

"Then cum Dean, cum like the beautiful man you are. Cum for me Dean, please. Fuck I going to cum too." Castiel whispered in to Dean ear fucking him in slow but deep thrusts.

"Yes, please Cas cum in me." Dean moaned and came painting his stomach with thick white cum. "Fuck Cas." Dean's breathing was heavy as he came down from his high.

This was to much are Castiel, seeing Dean loss his cool, seeing him so defenseless and allowed himself to cum and moan so beautifully. In Castiel's mind Dean was everything, he was his sunlight, he was the air he now needs to breath, Dean is the man that made Castiel fall, Dean is the man Castiel fell for, Castiel could almost cry on how must he really truly loves Dean.

"DEAN!" Cas filled Dean's ass with his own cum and dropped down on Dean. For the next 5 minutes everything was quiet, all Castiel could hear was the sound of Dean and his breathing weaken as they drift asleep, but Castiel could of swore he hear Dean wispier to him.

"I love you my Angel." 

 

As Castiel fell asleep he didn't feel alone anymore, he felt happy for the first time in forever. 

As Dean fell asleep he didn't feel worry anymore, he felt safe in Castiel's arms.

As Castiel fell asleep he knew he wouldn't wake up alone again.

As Dean fell asleep he knew he wouldn't go to sleep alone again.

For the first time Castiel was not just Castiel.

For the first time Dean was not just Dean.

They were Castiel and Dean, both happy, safe, loved, and most importantly not alone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I am really sorry about how bad this is, but I am not sorry for smut. I suck at writing smut but I love writing it, so if you want more just give me a ship from Homestuck, Sherlock BBC, Avengers, or Supernatural.
> 
> Thanks.
> 
> ~Fluika


End file.
